I was debating on whether or not to share this, but I think it’s important for me to keep in mind before waking up on March 21, 2010 at who-knows-what-hour before the LA Marathon.

So, last year I made LA my very first marathon ever. I was one of seven featured runners for KABC talk radio who did a sports feature on the history of the race.

When I listen to the audio I think 1) WOW I wish I was still 28 (not that 29 is that  bad)  2) damn, I sound really really chipper for an early Sunday morning trail run – if only I knew what was going to happen to me on race day (I blew out my knee mile 18 and cried the last 8.2 miles till I limped across the finish line) and finally 3) OK, I did not run the Seattle Marathon and I sure as hell am not going to BQ this year…

In fact, I don’t know if I want to qualify for Boston. I still love running, but back then it was a desperate escape from all my problems and now it’s a celebration of who I am. I used to run because I had something to prove to myself and in essence, I felt like I had something to prove to the world: that I am an athlete damn it.

The way I see it now is, I don’t have anything to prove to anyone. I may not be the fastest person in the world or have the best endurance, but I challenge anyone in telling me I don’t have the most heart in doing everything I can to pull through a race. Knowing that, I’ve learned to let go on the worries of time, race photos, age group standings and expectations. I just run because that’s me.